[when my heart is faint]
My heart has felt so faint these past few weeks. I'm not going to lie, this season of life has been one of the most difficult ones that I can ever remember - but somehow also one of the most rewarding. I have been in this funk of feeling very dissatisfied about where I am at in life; reflecting on where I saw myself going, and how I am just not there. I've found myself just bursting into tears for no reason, getting frustrated when I shouldn't be, and crying out to God over and over because I was throughly convinced that He had just forgotten me. So many things seemed to be crumpling: I found out I had to find a new place to live, I heard back from a job interview that I didn't get, and I had this horrible day where I spilled coffee on everything imaginable and stepped in my dog's poop and got stuck outside in the rain with the kid I babysit. Ugh.
But this morning I woke up finally believing something that I've been trying to tell myself this whole week: that my life is not measured by what I do, but by who I am in Him. I have been struggling so much because I have gotten so caught up in the fact that I don't have the perfect job that I think I should, that I am single on Valentine's Day, that I can't seem to run as many miles as I want to...blah blah blah. I've gotten so obsessed with my own selfish desires and pride in who I think I should be, that I have totally shut out the voice of God and who He says I am.
"He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you."
What sweet, sweet truth. It definitely feels like I am in the fire right now, but today I choose to believe that He is right there beside me, that He loves me, and that He has not forgotten me.
And I have an amazing new place to live (pictures soon!). And another interview on Wednesday. And live in an insanely beautiful city. And I am healthy, loved, and blessed.
I have no reason to want.
Also, you guys should download this free and incredibly wonderful album by The Oh Hello's. Put your headphones in and turn it up looouudd!